Farewell or until we meet again

I am writing this as my last post on this blog. It has been a great pleasure to work and try to improve myself here. I met some amazing people. Wrote a load of rubbish. Had a lot of fun. However due to current circumstances I know, I will never again be able to be completely honest here and pour my heart out. Time has come, unfortunately, I have to close one door ot open another. I would like to use this post to say thank you to all of those who bothered to read, support and even praise me. Some of you have become like pillars to hold on to in dark times. Something to look forward to. I am not in a dark place right now and things are looking up. However I know I will not be able to cencor my self enough to continue writing here. I fell in love with my blog long time ago and it has been great pleasure and experience writing here. I learned so much. Thank you to all of you and I promise not to disappear. One day if we are meant to we will find one another either in world wide web or in physical world once again. I am sure...
Farewell.
CG

Planning

Those who know me personally, are aware, that I am the most disorganised person in the world. I probably, could not organise a piss up in a brewery, at least my husband does not think so. Still, lately, everything is planned. at least a week ahead. Whom I will e-mail to, what will be posted on my blog, what I will write, whom I will write to and the list goes on. I have achieved this by being overloaded with work. I have so much work to do, that I can not afford, to waste time thinking what to do next, I have to know what comes next. Obviously, sometimes the unexpected comes up, but then I piecefully look at the schedule and organise and reorganise again.

Sometimes, I am tired and I make mistakes, even then I don't allow myself to be thrown off, I simply breathe deeply and sort out the mess I made. There is still a big danger in all this. Most of my life I believed I had an artistic nature and that matter alone justified any disorganisation in my being and here come the panic attacks. I have them weekly. When an unexpected load of work comes through that I can not complete in time, when my dogs are poorly, when I am late. These panic attacks are so bad that when I have them, Graham has to calm me down for a long while afterwards, it costs me time, but I always come up with a solution to sort everything out by prioritising.

I don't like being this way. There is no space for spontaneity, there is no space for impulse, it is pure existence with a dash of personality. There is no possibility of getting out either. I have made my reputation now as a very punctual and organised person, this is what keeps the jobs and my income coming my way, if I stop it now I'll lose it all. Even this particular post, is written on Saturday to be published on Thursday, because I don't know if I will have the time to blog next week. Organisation to the core. This is as good as it gets. Now I just have to go sit down and instead of planning next week, plan my road to happiness.
Somehow I don't think it will work.

Ozonas Presentation

I can, not only, write in English, but also I translate to and from English. In fact the demand for translations is increasing daily, and this is one of the most beautiful translations I have done. It is for my very important job of networking with foreign companies for Ozonas, they trust me so much I can write to everyone and anyone, while representing the company, and as the company was a little short of something presenting them right, I have translated the Lithuanian presentation package and turned it into this fabulous thing!
You can download all of this beautiful presentation here*. This autumn I will also be preparing a complete issue of Ozonas tranlation, that will mean a lot of work, but the end result will be given out to the visitors in Nuremberg and London exhibitions.**

So, even though the workload is increasing and I have less and less free time, it pays off. The pleasure of seeing a published article or a complete project of some sort is the biggest reward one can get, but when you get paid for doing it too, it becomes an absolutely amazing job to do. Yeah I lose a lot of sleep over it, but I'm moving up the career ladder and I feel that it is worth it, because it gives me the greatest satisfaction of all!

* - The download is via MegaUpload service if you know of better file sharing facilities, please let me know.
** - I will write about this sometime in the near future as they are going to be very exiting events.

All the picture material used in this post is the property of Ozonas.

MENIU.LT - September: Food festifals part II

Translated version available upon request.

A Different Perspective

I work for a variety of people, some of them I even don't agree with, but I need to survive. However I never betray my values or beliefs, just because someone, who's paying me thinks differently. It is not the way I am.

The most upsetting thing about that, is that those people never look form a different perspective and believe that only their view is right. As I believe there is no right and there is no wrong, just different circumstances, I find it really annoying. Now, before you have a go at me about the right and wrong thing please understand my view. Every human being has a different perspective for every matter. Some feel that, for example, imposing their religion on others is right, because they are saving the person's eternal life, or whatever it may be. Some believe that allowing death penalty would clean the prisons and the world, and save a lot of people, from somebody evil. Some believe that nuclear power will save the world, because nuclear plants can produce a lot of energy, never mind the cost. Some, like me, disagree with all three statements above, because we believe that we are all different, we have a different perspective, and sometimes it is good to agree to disagree.

However the most annoying kind of all, is the one, that will not even let you express your views and even if they will, they'll insist that you are wrong.

If there is anything wrong in this world, it is saying to people, that they are so. Whatever you call it, misled, confused, brainwashed, all of this states someone is wrong. This, takes away a very basic human right of thinking how they wish. The laws or individuals, may control what you say or what you do, but they can never get into your head, at least not yet.

I am tired from people shouting at me trying to get their point across, it is very annoying and unnecessary, as it will not change the way I think. I may say that I agree just to quieten them, but they will never know, what's up with my head.

The latest event that upset me most, was this individual for whom I did a few translations and other things, last night he tried to get his point across about some type of human called parasite. It made me sick, it made me angry, he kept on about cleaning the world from these people, and I kept thinking of nazis. I am sure some nazis believed they were doing something for the greater good of mankind, but that not in a single way, justified their actions. I was very tired and I knew it is futile with him. He has brought up this subject before in front of me, and I knew he won't give up, I did not agree with him, I just pointed out that we as two completely different individuals have a very different perspective. Some of the things he said were the most ridiculous things I heard in my life, but as a person who has about four jobs (I lost count by now) that is not what I want to hear or talk about at midnight, when I am so desperate to recover some of my sleeping hours that I lost over the week. He kept on and on and on. He knows that because he pays me I won't tell him to fuck off, because financiallly I am still in desperate position, but he also knows that I will never jump at his ideas and agree, in fact mostly I will wiggle my way out as a polititian and try to forget about it.

But I can not forget, I can not keep on swallowing that rubbish of his, just because I am surviving at the moment, because it will not be this way for ever. What I want to do is, tell him that I don't give a damn about his ideas, that seem ridiculous to me. I want to tell him to leave me alone as I don't want to hear anymore of that rubbish, but I feel cornered if I do that, I will loose a little but currently important part of my income. It leaves me wondering whether he is using this as a way to "convert" me just like the Catholics do with people who are starving around the world, they give them a loaf of bread and then have a good follower for the rest of their life. Another thought, how many people like me agreed with Hitler, because they felt cornered, that makes me as bad as them and certainly does not justify my actions.

I want to leave this country, as I haven't met a single person, who would be glad to agree that we are all different and can't see matters the same way.

MENIU.LT - September: Food festifals part I

Translated version available upon request.

Monday - quote day

We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. We are constantly remarking on the fact that things are done well by people other than ourselves. "The Japanese are a remarkable little people," we say, as if we were doing them a favor. "He is an Arab, but you ought to hear him play the zither." Why "but"?

- Robert Benchley, "Isn't It Remarkable?"

MENIU.LT - English are going back to the local bakers

Translated version available upon request.

Thursday Challenge: PLANTS

A very good thing to do, for yourself, and for the planet

I found this on morsbags.com, and I personally love the idea! In their own words:
let’s do something positive to reduce the hideous number of plastic bags being used - 1 million are consumed per minute globally - of which hundreds of thousands end up in the oceans. the idea is to get together with people in your local community, drink wine and make reusable cloth bags (from old duvet covers, curtains from charity shops etc) and hand them out to the unsuspecting public for free on specified dates outside different supermarkets. meet new people, do something marvellous for the planet and beat other pods (groups) of baggers with your morsbag tally. go to www.morsbags.com to be a part of a wonderful thing! p.s. non-commercial/ non-profitable - just full of beneficial things for everyone, especially whales!

I have a plenty of old sheets and stuff, and I know lots of little tricks with sewing and colouring, so this could be real fun, especially if I got the kids at school involved. The instructions are really nice and simple so anyone can understand them, and you don't have to be an expert in sewing to make this. Are we, the generation of the biggest consumerists changing the history? Don't think so, at least not yet, but we can and it does not mean you have to make bags from old sheets, but it does mean that you have to do something.

Currently I am working hard on coming up with a solution how to have a few different bins for recycle-able stuff, so that it does not make my appartment look like a recycling plant, as well as saving up money to change all the bulbs I can change into those nice energy saving ones. They are really expensive over here, and my wage is not that big, but slowly I will build up, like a good girl. I am also thinking of taking the bus to work in the winter, currently I walk when I can, but during emergencies, like oversleeping I jump in the car and drive there. So I have to learn to take the bus, that would save me money on petrol and make me a better person towards the environment.


I am thinking of sticking this in my classroom:



P.S. Just so you know I already don't use plastic bags, I use my nice cloth bags instead, I'm just thinking of how to get other people into it!

A very useful book to read for any freelancer (wannabe or not)

I downloaded this book from some website, that I can no longer remember, but that is not the point. I read the relevant parts of the book, and I actually found it very useful. There are many "how to be a writer" books out there, but only very few I read, for some obvious reasons like I can't afford them...

In fact I haven't purchased a single book this year, all my books were either given to me as gifts or were borrowed from a library, so when I come across a nice little free e-book I just could not resist. I mean, it does not get better than free books. In fact I wish the world was such an Utopian place, where no one would ever throw away books, but just would pass them down to the people that need them - people like me.

So anyway back to the book. It gives quite a few useful tips, and it is very helpful, especially, if you live in the states. In fact, there is so much information crammed in that book, that I will need to re-read it in the near future just to remember it all.

So if you trust me, spend a minute or so and download that book, and check it out for yourself, if you think it is utterly useless please tell me, I will appreciate your opinion, even if it's totally irrelevant.

You can download Creative freelancing e-book here.

Monday - quote day

"No more important duty can be urged upon those who are entering the great theater of life than simple loyalty to their best convictions."

- Edwin Hubbell Chapin

It's 03:43 AM

and I am in front of my Mac. Definitely not the right place to be at is time of day. I worked all day yesterday giving out leaflets to earn extra cash as this month will be an extremely difficult time for all of us.

My eyes are very sore and my body is aching. I have taken Charlie for two emergency walks so far, he is being sick, and wants to go out all the time. I'm staying up to make sure that he is taken out when he wants to. I can't afford to take him to the vets and I'm hoping that it is simply a very bad case of upset stomach.

The flowers on the windowsill are dead. They have been for the last two days but I did not have the energy, or time, or willpower to do anything about it. The floor is dirty and the apartment seems to stink, at least to me. I am cold and I don't know what to do with myself, weekend is the only time I can actually sleep in and get some rest, unfortunately not this weekend.

The cigarettes are running out and I don't want to be the bad wife of smoking them all by myself so I'm eating apples to stop the surge for a cigarette. My hair needs washing, but probably for a first time in my life, I am not bothered by it. I'm too tired to take a bath. My shoes are too tight on my feet, and I'm wearing my coat while sitting indoors, I probably look like I've just escaped an asylum. The dogs and my darling husband are snoring away while I am trying to be productive while being in a very barren state of mind.

I hope my life will reward me soon for all my efforts in the things I do, otherwise, I might simply become another burned-out 23 year old. I am so tired of existing.

The silly quiz knows better than I do?

You Belong in Paris

Stylish and expressive, you were meant for Paris. The art, the fashion, the wine! Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park... You'll love living in the most chic place on earth.

What City Do You Belong In?

Oh dear... I did not think I belong to any city at all! Yes I love Chanel, French wine, good cheese and art galleries, but hey I am not classy! I love the parks and the cafes, but there are more parks in London... Well good thing is, I don't believe everything I read...

The Portrait Of A Lady

Beautiful costumes but utterly boring. Probably the most boring film I've seen in my entire life. Usually the name Nicole Kidman in the leading role meant (at least to me) that it is going to be a fascinating film. This however was an exception to the rule.

The film was so slow in everything that it was in a sense good for watching at bed time, because anyone, watching this while being tired at the end of the day would fall asleep.

I can not deny the costumes were lovely, but the whole plot, what were they thinking? The love is not love and there is no other real love, everything is cold, characters are more like paper dolls than real people. It is very true, that Nicole, did her best in trying to be this cold emotionless creature, but it did not work in fact not one character did, not one relationship made sense.

I was so bored with this film, that I feel bored just writing about it, and then, why should I write about it? We all know I'd rather praise than condemn, so I think the message is clear, this film is not to be watched unless you are trying to fall asleep. Tally 100% dull.