Tuesday, July 08, 2008

I've got mail

From my mother. I have cut all the correspondence between us, almost two years ago, she sent me an e-mail on my birthday. Wishing me a happy birthday. What do I do? Do I reestablish our relationship and give her another chance? Or do I ignore her and feel bad? Graham says she does not deserve my love and care, but still, she's my mother, the only one I've got. I don't know what to do. A lot has happened between my mother an I, but I still love her.

The thing is, if I restore the relationship between her and I, how do I prevent her from manipulating me yet again? How will I know what her intentions are? How? Why do I fell so bad all of a sudden? Was it her intention? All she wrote was: Happy birthday; and put a little flower from yahoo mail? I feel so bad!


Richard said...

As a parent, all I can say is that a parent always loves their children (well, at least I hope they do). No matter how old you get, you will always be your mother's little girl - even when you are 80 or 90 or 100.

One of the problems in being a parent is in giving your children more autonomy because they are always a part of you and never separate from you.

There is no question that some people have very annoying, even destructive and harmful behaviours. That is unfortunate. I wish to believe that this is not a conscious and deliberate effort on their part, but stems from their inability to be otherwise.

The only advice I will give you is that you should not act from duty or obligation, act only because it is the right way to act.

jayant said...

Hey girl.. never knew about this aspect of your life..
You should at least reply a little "Thank You" to her,shouldn't you?
I dont know what went on in the past so I cant really comment much but then, a "Thanks" shouldn't do much harm..

carra said...

Thank you for your advice Richard and your comment Jayant the problem is I am still too sore about this issue. I haven't written anything so far, I am not sure I can allow my mother back into my life. It sounds cruel, but it's nothing compared to what she put me through.

Paul said...

Hi Carra, just dropped in using VerveEarth - don't want to invade your space without introducing myself. My name is Paul, I am a father and a son... hope you don't mind that I am offering you my two cents on the mother - daughter matter. I don't know about the backgrounds, but maybe that is an advantage... Restoring a damaged relationship might take a lot of time and it can be a painful process, but do give it a try. Maybe write an honest letter to your mother, tell her about your pain and about your worries. Be open and frank, but think hard about every word, try to put yourself in her shoes (so for a moment you need to step out of your beautiful pair of shoes, I'm afraid). Take care, don't give up on the people you can't afford to miss. Cheers

carra said...

Paul you are not invading anything. The problem with my relationship with my mother is that I don't trust her anymore. It is very hard to try and open up your heart, yet again, to a person who's cold as ice, and never actually pronounces the word love. Her attitude has always been, that she was a single parent and it was unfair that she had to give up so much for me, that now it's time for me to pay her back, unfortunately I can not afford her. Many times I tried to step into her shoes (and hers are much prettier; pity about the size!) but she never let me do so, she denied me any understanding. I am going to try and write a post about this, maybe even this week, so you can see what I mean, because I must sound awfully vague right now...

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