Friday, October 09, 2009


i often wonder how is one supposed to stick to their dignity when they feel that they do an undignified job?
i think one just has to grit their teeth and pull through, hope for the best, at least to come out the same as they started.

i would love to be able to have time just to write and do nothing else. no juggling of things. no holding on to my dignity with the tips of my fingers.

i want a new life. can i start from scratch?


Richard said...

I don't know if you can start from scratch of not.

Coming to Madrid has been sort a "start from scratch" experience for me.

I am removed from my past (mostly). I spend less time at the computer. I spend a lot more time walking. I have fewer worries and concerns - I left most of them behind in Canada (sold one house, hope to finalize the sale of the second on 22-Oct-2009). No bills to pay, nothing left outstanding (aside from using my trademark before January-2010).

Of course, I am still me, I still long to write, but ... writing is a wish, a hope, a dream, but it is not a business plan. I have to work on my business plans and somehow tie my dreams into that.

I think you have made a number of changes. I think you have restarted / rebooted your life as much as is reasonably possible - quit smoking, moved to England. There is a lot of you that you are going to carry around with you, so you have to learn to deal with it - just as I have to learn to deal with myself. Feeling good is one thing, actually using that feeling to accomplish something is another.

I am glad that now-a-days, I do not groan under the weight of melancholy. But ... sometimes I miss it. Silly, isn't it. But, I know I Am better off without it. I have to look forward to wherever I am going and remember to keep pressing forward.

And I know you can do it as well. I have previously mentioned that you inspire me with actually getting paid to write. And what you have to do is to continue to build and capitalize on that. I am certain you can.

CG said...

I think we can start from scratch but in a way we think. After all like you have pointed out we are still we and we will always carry the luggage called our past. Even if we do not live in it, it is still part of us, as it made us who we are today. However, I think it is great to wipe the slate occasionally and start anew. It gives us an opportunity to review our life and take a new direction.

I also understand what you mean about missing melancholy. Creatively the mot productive years for me were those where I was dipped deep in melancholy and I am not sure if I wanted to get out. Now I live in relative comfort and I find myself struggling to create even though I have a great deal to tell. I hope your starting from scratch will give you an opportunity to review and hopefully start something new, a book comes to mind...

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin