Telefonica - the new Spanish inquisition?

When we moved to Spain, the third country, that I now live in as a foreigner I expected some struggles. Accepting and understanding another culture is not an easy task and if you don't speak the language it makes it even harder. Yet when we moved only weeks ago, I was delighted with the simplicity of life.

Renting a house was not difficult even though we have two dogs, nor was it complicated when opening a bank account. I wasn't asked for my birth certificate, my mothers maiden name or my shoe size, it was very straightforward and pleasant. But when we had telephone line and broadband internet connection installed only two working days after the request I was officially over the moon. Having lived in France, I was used to the complications and bureaucracy and red tape gone mad situations. I was happy and in a hurry to accept the new and simple way of life in Spain.

I had nothing to complain about. Of course having had experience as a foreigner in other countries, I knew there is going to be some misunderstandings, cultural differences and confusion. It is normal and it comes in the package along with your new life abroad. I was not prepared for everything though. I love my liberties as a human being, I like to choose and to think freely. While praising Telefonica for days and complimenting them for a really speedy service, I didn't see the whole picture. I learned, just like all of us expats have to, and maybe next time before praising a service I will check it out first.

Day after day I spoke highly of Telefonica until one day I tried to access a British witches magazine online (Witches Voice) as a research subject.
Without even being able to sniff the knowledge of neo-paganism or wicca, I was simply redirected to a page that read something like this:
"You are not allowed to access this page because you have contracted and activated the service of Net Kangaroo. The page you are currently trying to view has been classified within the "not allowed categories". If you believe we have made a mistake please fill out the form bellow, and we will reply once our team has analysed the web-page".

Even though I couldn't understand why am I contracted and even subscribed to a service I haven't asked for, being a foreigner that I am in this marvellous country I simply filled out the form, believing there must have been some kind of a mistake.

I patiently waited for the Net Kangaroo response, being able to view all the other web-sites I wanted.

Few days later I did get a reply, and it was and is the only one so far, Net Kangaroo wrote:
"Your request has been received. Our personnel will contact you via e-mail address you provided shortly".

It has been weeks since I received that e-mail. No further contact yet, but I haven't given up.

To Telefonica's disappointment that wasn't the last drop in my cup. There were still surprises to come.

One day I was attempting to send an e-card from the Hallmark web-site. The card I wanted to send was called a little birdy and it involved a dicky bird telling a secret to the receiver. Nothing disgusting or wicked, no witchcraft involved. I was allowed to view and to personalise the card, but as soon as I clicked the "send" button on the screen, once again I was informed the web-site I am trying to access is not appropriate.

The e-card was so innocent! It would not upset or traumatise the purest mind in the world! All it said was: "I like you". That is when my patience ran out, that was the drop that made the glass of water overflow. I set out to do some research.
I decided to open up my conservative mind and for the first time in my short life I searched google for pornographic material web-sites.

I must admit Net Kangaroo was doing a great job until I typed in the key search word: Blow-job. Hundreds of web-sites appeared in front of my eyes and when I tried to access them Telefonica appeared to be off-guard. Well, I thought - their last excuse was just blown to pieces. To my joy it even got worse for Telefonica and their Net Kangaroo.

That night before I went off to cook dinner for my family, I decided to do one more search. I already knew that blow-jobs were OK to access, but other heterosexual pornography sites were not. This time I typed in: gay sex. Blushing like a teenager and giggling like a five year old, just like all those other times before. My search paid off, within minutes I was able to view as much of male gay pornography as I liked! When I searched for lesbian pornography - access denied.

That is when I started wondering whether Mr. Director of Telefonica might be gay or at least interested in gay pornography himself. As lovely as a country Spain is, it is also the land of double standards, macho men and chauvinism. Now I was also under the impression that children and adults are very well protected by Telefonica and their Net Kangaroo service, from seeing any heterosexual pornography unless it is oral sex, or lesbian pornography whatsoever, from sending e-cards with dikky birds telling secrets, or even from accessing witches magazines. All probably in case it might confuse their little minds.

Yet it is OK for the same cute innocent and curious children (and adults) to access as much of gay pornography as they like under Telefonica's nose.
That is when I started believing that Telefonica's Net Kangaroo service is the new inquisition. They were choosing what is right and what is not, but having double standards at the same time. Just like the Spanish Inquisition did back in the 15th - 16th centuries. Curious as I am and having an interest in history culture and witchcraft I was sure that inquisition was abolished in 1834. Unfortunately at that particular moment I was made to believe otherwise!

Please do not misunderstand me, I would love a service that "locked off' all pornographic material, and believe me I would be the first one to subscribe. What I don't like is Telefonica deciding what is or is not good for me without prior consultation with me.

I set myself to finish the last task, of getting to the bottom of understanding the whole situation. It meant I was going to play a detective for a day or two.

When out and about in town I started asking other people if they had any problems with accessing any web-sites. At first I did not achieve a lot. Everybody else seemed to be free to access anything they wanted. Knowing that my computer settings where not limiting me and redirecting me to Spanish web-pages I never heard of, as I am an adult and parental controls are off on my computer, because I can make my own mind up, I continued.

After hours and hours of pestering people that I didn't even know I hit the jackpot! A guy I knew from sight told me everything he knew about the new Net Kangaroo service.

Apparently it is now offered to all the new customers free of charge to protect their family. Great. Only one problem... I was never asked if I wanted the service. To get rid of this "appreciable" service all I have to do is ring Telefonica and tell them: I don't want this Net Kangaroo, please cut it off.

Everything now seems to be simple again. Except for the fact that I still don't understand why even with parental controls switched on you can still access gay pornography, and only oral sex pictures with heterosexual couples, and how could possibly a magazine about witchcraft, that doesn't tell you how to turn people you don't like into frogs, damage young and innocent minds.

I had and still have a service I didn't ask for, and I am still waiting for a reply from Net Kangaroo. I can't really phone them because my Spanish is not good enough just yet.
Still I would love to tell them, that regardless whether I asked or not for the service I have it is waste of time and is absolutely useless. Watch this space, as if they ever do reply to me, I will let you know.