For some reason last night I was thinking about Lithuanian history. I am not exactly a nationalistic Lithuanian, so the thoughts surprised me a little.
I thought maybe the readers of my blog would be interested to know where I come from and why I am not in my home country.
There is a link to the article in Wikipedia about Lithuania:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lithuania
And now I can explain myself.
Firstly I am not one of those people who you will hear often mentioning their homeland. I will never bother anyone to tell them how beautiful - my country is; simply because Lithuania is not my country. I was born there – Yes, I was brought up there – Yes, but I will tell you I left the country 10 days after my 18th birthday (the age when you are legally allowed to leave the country on your own) because I was sick of it. Lithuania – never was my home, never will be. I never really fitted into the community, and my way of thinking stood out. I have no racial issues with any nation of the world. I don’t dislike Russians or Germans. That is already out of ordinary, for most common Lithuanian people. I dare to call myself cosmopolitan because that’s what I think I am. My home is where my heart is and my heart is with my husband, and my husband wanted to live in France, simple answer for now my home is France, but I do not know for how long.
Do I miss Lithuania? For first 3 months after I left Lithuania, I felt homesick. I guess I just didn’t know how to name the feeling. I was in France on my own, with not much money and even less language skills, I guess I was scared. But as the time went by, I learned to live and enjoy my life (meeting my husband helped a lot!). On the 23rd of May it’s going to be 3 years as I left Lithuania, in that time I have visited the country once, and even then the visit that was supposed to last 2 weeks, was turned into 1 week. I couldn’t cope with it. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not proud of this, but I am not ashamed. I lived in UK for over two years. I accepted their customs, cuisine, and I spoke their language. When my mother moved to the UK she sounded like this:
- In Lithuania the roads are better; in Lithuania the weather is nicer; in Lithuania…
I was sick of the word Lithuania. Most of my life there I spent dreaming of leaving the country and my mother comes over to remind me what I have missed. I realized already then; I missed nothing! Even my mother’s “Lithuanian” attitude upset me. She was like a rude tourist who wouldn’t even say hello in the country’s language (that she spoke) when she entered the shop. So if you can be bothered read the article about Lithuania on Wikipedia, but please do not feed me with all that – your country is so beautiful crap! Because if it was that beautiful and pleasant to live in; I wouldn’t be where I am now. I do hope, that I don’t sound like a miserable expat. I am actually happy; I am happy what I have escaped!
P.S. When they show pictures of London, New York or Paris – they show beautiful architecture and happy people, they never show the poverty, depression and other aspects of real life. The same rule applies to Lithuania. They will always show and write how good/nice/pleasant it is to be there. Why do you think approx. 3000 – 4000 people fled the country after it joined the EU?
4 comments:
I understand what you are saying. When I left America my whole family could not understand why I would want to live somewhere else. America is a beautiful country...if you are rich. Otherwise, it is hard to find money to send your kids to college and to make it week to week. I was bitter at my mother in particular at first but now I don't care. I love France and it is my home. My mother keeps making up reasons not to come for a visit. But, I think she just doesn't want to admit that it is nice here in France, too.
I miss my family but don't miss Ameirca too much now.
I just found your site through pumpkin pies site:) I just read through everything and I think you are such a good writer, better than me, and its my native tongue:)
I can't wait to read more:)
kim
btw, i forgot to mention what i had wanted to mention...Thomas, my french boyfriend, went to school in Tarbes, you had mentioned you went to the cardiologist there, I hope your hubby is getting better!
Thom grew up in the pyrenee's, so i am especially happy to see photos of this area!
kim
Kim, I will try to load as many pictures of the area as possible. Thank you for the compliments, they made my heart jump. I am going to print them out and hang them on the wall by my desk! About my husband; he's getting better slowly but to speed things up I will have (very possibly) to send him to the UK to get him fixed there! It's cheaper and faster that way!
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