Saturday, August 08, 2009

new perspective

I know I haven't been posting a lot lately but that was because I could not tell certain things and i felt like my hands were tied behind my back.
I am also a little bit upset about my love affair with England which can never be the same again.
Lastly I feel like my perspective and attitude have changed and I do not know how to fit into there is no travelling round the world in beautiful shoes because there is no beautiful shoes left. I stick to comfort now. So even the header seems to be lying. I do not know how to change that. I know I want to stay the same, but I do not know whether I should change my blog, move to some new unknown territory or start all over again.
My life is not what it used to be. It is not just about dreaming to go back to England because I am back in England, it is not about getting a cottage, because I can't really afford the cottage and I should focus more on earning the money to get the cottage rather than just dreaming about getting it.
I have mountains of ideas. I simply do not know how to put them into one amazing masterpiece that could be my first book. Every time I write something, once the project is completed I am overwhelmed by the feeling of dissatisfaction. It is like no matter what I do or write is never good enough. How do I know it will ever be good enough. How do I know that one day I may write something I like.
There are no guarantees with creativity. How is that possible that I can create but can not love what I have created?
I see how much I changed and how much I have learned and I do not know where should I fit myself within my old life as to be honest it is not that easy creating a new life from scratch because there is still my family I have to fit around them.
This is scary.


Richard said...

(Haven't been around in awhile, so I am going to start with the older post and work my way forward.)

I think you might benefit form reading The Artist's Way. I read it earlier in the Summer (after skipping over it so many times). It isn't going to cure your insecurities, it isn't going to give you step by step instructions for turning your life around - but, it should give you plenty to think and reflect on. That was its strength - it is far ahead of any other self-help books on getting you to reflect (well, at least me).

Most books give you exercises to do (which I skip or do half-heartedly). With The Artist's Way, even if I skipped exercises, or did them half-half-heartedly, I found a lot fo punch in her prose. Check out a copy from the library, if you can. You can also read some quotes on my blog

CG said...

Thank you Richard I have just added the book to my amazon shopping list, and put it at the top rather than at the bottom!

Richard said...

Jeepers! Can't you just borrow a copy from the library?

CG said...

Richard currently because of my work I do not stay anywhere long enough to be registered in a library and because I never know if I am coming back I just have to stick to buying books at the moment. Unfortunately.

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