Even though my husband disagrees, I see no point in living without an aim or a dream, I have aims for every day of the year but in long run I need something bigger - preferably a dream. An English cottage has been a dream of mine for a long time, and this particular picture has been on my computer for ages, I keep looking at it, to remind myself what I am working for.
However this means returning to England which tragically clashes with my husband's wishes. As a married woman I have to respect them, even though sometimes I'd prefer not to, I made my bed few years back and now I'm sleeping in it. Still, I think just because he doesn't want to go there now it does not mean it's going to be like this for ever. At this particular time, when the world is tragically hit by the economic crisis it would be stupid to rush back to England, and just to be greeted with vast unemployment, we need to wait for the right moment, but until then we need to stay focused. This country (Lithuania), where I live now, keeps bringing me down. I need a hope and a dream to get out of here otherwise everything that I worked for in my life was useless. I need to keep that picture of that English cottage in mind if necessary for ever, just to keep breathing, as without dreams I feel empty.
Going back to aims. Today's aim is not to eat lunch at school it is a waste of money. In fact I'm thinking of getting a lunchbox and preparing something healthy for myself every day. I need to walk more too. This, however, has nothing to do with new years' resolutions, I do not do resolutions, I would just like to be healthy, as I think that would help me keep my depression at bay, definitely staying healthy and having a dream that is worth living for, will keep even bigger wolves at bay.
I wonder when will I write my bestseller to purchase that dream cottage. I can just imagine the dogs running in the garden, graham sitting in a chaise-longue in the sun, me writing at my desk in the middle of the room, looking out the window. I can just touch the surfaces of the old fashioned kitchen, I can just smell the fresh linen on the bed, see the coloured cushions on the settees. Oh yes, that is definitely worth breathing for. I can even smell the roses that would be planted at the front of the house and hear the water of the small stream running by. That is life, dreaming about it and hoping is also living, and no longer just plainly existing.