Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Symptoms of Burning Out

Yes you all have warned me about this and it started happening last week.

I started having panic attacks. I started crying for no reason. I screamed at my dogs and darling husband for nothing and I crashed out and slept for over 14 hours non stop. The symptoms started showing.

I also for the first time in my writing career was late, but only after warning my boss. The reasons are obvious, we all could see it coming, but I could not afford to sit back. I still can't afford to sit back and rest. Now that I have a reputation of delivering on time regardless of the circumstances I receive more pressure daily.
One of my bosses one evening has dropped two documents each nine pages long to be translated until the next day 10 AM. It was not just any translation, but what I call corporate bullshit stuff. It has to be written in a certain way using certain terms. Just writing about this makes my hands shake. This is what happens these days. I feel dizzy and my hands shake. It is not caffeine overdose, I do not drink coffee, it is my blood pressure reaching it's bottom rate. Dropping so far I can not naturally raise it. I forget to eat. I can not sleep during the week. I don't even want to smoke. I seem to exist of my work and I am starting to feel it's toll.

I do not reply to the comments on my bog because I do not have time for it. I do not have time to have a relaxing bath either. My hair needs cutting and a hole in my tooth needs filling but ironically I can not afford it. I work this much just to make the ends meet. I do not in any way enjoy my life. I'm getting angry. My blog is preplanned, my life is preplanned, there is no space for spontaneity. I'd ask for help but no one else but me can help me right now.

4 comments:

Richard said...

Definitely sounds like you are on your way to burn out. You will know you get there when you just stop caring about everything.

Sleep is vital. As is a good diet. It is cliched, but lots of fruits and vegetables help - avoid smothiering them with creams or fats.

Take care because recovery is a fairly long road and, worse yet, it is all uphill.

Lorri said...

Please try to sleep, try to eat in small amounts, try...

Thinking of you.

carra said...

Richard I listened to everyone's advice and to common sense and started acting accordingly. The world will not run away just because i need to stop and catch my breath.
Lorri I tried and slept more ate a little bit, and I feel a lot better. Thank you!

Lorri said...

Keep up the eating of smaller amounts, more times a day. I find that 5-6 small meals work best for me.

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