Sunday, September 14, 2008

It's 03:43 AM

and I am in front of my Mac. Definitely not the right place to be at is time of day. I worked all day yesterday giving out leaflets to earn extra cash as this month will be an extremely difficult time for all of us.

My eyes are very sore and my body is aching. I have taken Charlie for two emergency walks so far, he is being sick, and wants to go out all the time. I'm staying up to make sure that he is taken out when he wants to. I can't afford to take him to the vets and I'm hoping that it is simply a very bad case of upset stomach.

The flowers on the windowsill are dead. They have been for the last two days but I did not have the energy, or time, or willpower to do anything about it. The floor is dirty and the apartment seems to stink, at least to me. I am cold and I don't know what to do with myself, weekend is the only time I can actually sleep in and get some rest, unfortunately not this weekend.

The cigarettes are running out and I don't want to be the bad wife of smoking them all by myself so I'm eating apples to stop the surge for a cigarette. My hair needs washing, but probably for a first time in my life, I am not bothered by it. I'm too tired to take a bath. My shoes are too tight on my feet, and I'm wearing my coat while sitting indoors, I probably look like I've just escaped an asylum. The dogs and my darling husband are snoring away while I am trying to be productive while being in a very barren state of mind.

I hope my life will reward me soon for all my efforts in the things I do, otherwise, I might simply become another burned-out 23 year old. I am so tired of existing.


Anonymous said...

Apples are good aren't they?

3 days no cigarettes here :( / :)

Have no advice - but I know - Sucks!

Lori said...

Walking sick doggies is not fun in the middle of the night, especially.

I'm sorry you feel so sick, and are so downhearted.

Vesper de Vil said...

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. I hope everything starts to get better soon.

Pumpkin said...

Focus on all that you have accomplished and get some rest. I have had days where I didn't take a bath or clean my house...perhaps even weekends. I would rest. Afterwards, I would clean the house and take a long bath and feel I had shead my skin and was stronger.

Hang in there. I hope things start looking up soon.

Richard said...

Focis on resting. It probably seems impossible, but I can assure you that burning out is no fun - especially not at 23.

After my period of despondency, I have realized that rest and sleep are vital for my mental well being. Do the same for yourself. Your will can only carry you so far.

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